The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace.
PSALM 29:11
The last year has been an absolute roller coaster ride. Highs so high. Lows so low. 2019 was a year for the books in the best and worst ways.
In 2019, I started writing devotions on this blog. I adopted 500 red Wiggler composting worms! I served as President of the Sigma Alpha Professional Agricultural Sorority. I built friendships with people who have absolutely changed my life! I attended Commodity Classic to receive a scholarship with one of my best friends… in Florida… in February… amazing. I started meditating almost every day. I got a 4.0 GPA when taking 19 credit hours. I thrifted SO MANY clothes that make me feel amazing! I started dating a pretty cool guy! I learned all about Adobe Creative Cloud with the wonderful folks at Nebraska Corn who welcomed me into the family this past summer. I started a greenhouse in my apartment! I wore so many amazing Christmas sweaters. Oh, and of course, I went to Rwanda on a study abroad trip with the ALEC department.
There was so much good in 2019. Writing all of that down makes me so happy and it makes me feel so blessed. My heart is so full looking at that list. I always try to be the person who is being positive and finds the good, but there were some times this year I really struggled to do that because…
In 2019, I got in a car accident that gave me a minor herniated disc in my neck. My community was greatly impacted by the floods in March. I ran way too hard all summer working 40-hour weeks, taking 12 credit hours of class, and driving all across Nebraska on the weekends. I got mono for the second or third time (not sure). I stepped down as President of my sorority. I spent more time in doctors’ offices than in class this last semester. I developed severe fatigue and migratory arthritis as a result of the mono. I cut my internship with the Nebraska Corn Board short. I didn’t take care of myself as well as I should have when I was sick and it hurt the relationships I have with my friends and family.
I know it may seem trivial to some that mono was able to knock me out so bad when some others are suffering much worse health issues, but it left me sleeping 18 hours a day, skipping class because I couldn’t get out of bed, getting sick because the pain was so bad, and bowing out on commitments I never imagined. It wasn’t me. It didn’t feel like Isabelle. It couldn’t be me. I could always see the positives and find the good, but then I couldn’t. My physical health took away from my mental health dramatically. Some days I couldn’t even get myself to pray. I was losing hope that I would ever get better and felt like I was losing my identity. There were many nights where I would say I hit rock bottom. I couldn’t understand why God would let this happen. It seemed ridiculous that mono could do all of this to me, but if you don’t take care of yourself it can take a turn.
After more specialist visits than I’d care to admit, numerous rounds of antibiotics, a prescription to help manage fatigue, counseling at UNL, CASNR Cares, understanding professors, more love and support than I could ever imagine from friends & family, meditation, yoga, and so much journaling and reflecting, I have been making progress.
Slowly but surely, I am learning how much sleep I need, what vitamin regimen is going to work to keep me healthy, and the best self-care practices. The best lessons, however, have been the ones that God has been dropping.
Slow down.
Listen more.
Trust me.
Through the pain of slowing down, God showed me I was enough. Through listening to my support system, God has shown me love, like I have never seen before. Through my conflict, God has led me to peace. I sometimes wish I could’ve heard these lessons in some other way, but ultimately, God’s plan is greater than ours. The hard times help us to appreciate all of the good times even more. 2019 had so much good even if it was hard to see at times, and 2020 has even more good coming. I can feel it in my arthritis-stricken knees! 😂
I hope you will join me on this journey for peace this year and that you had a restful winter break!
104 Collective 